Late last night my youngest brother, Mathew, stood by my door and asked me, “Leanna, could I talk to you in private?” Hearing sniffles through his cracked voice, I came out and gave him a hug. He cried and babbled out everything that was bothering him. I literally only heard gibberish then, but after reminding him to do the breathing exercise I’ve taught him, he remained collected and started to speak calmly. “I don’t want to wake up and have my family gone. I don’t want mom to die. What if one day something bad happens and I won’t know what to do?”
Mathew, being 10 years of age, often has this fear embedded in his mind. A few years ago he awoke from his sleep and started crying while mentioning the same things. He started to cry again and through his little voice I managed to decipher a few sentences. “I am an old soul that will be reincarnated, but this is the best life I have lived in and I don’t want to forget it. I want it in my brain forever. I don’t want to forget mom, you, everybody.” Hugging him tightly, I wiped away his tears and told him the soul never forgets who he is and what his loved ones taught him. The soul remains permanent as it enhances through lifetimes.
“Being an indigo child, it is hard yet very exciting. You’ve lived many lives before this and will live many after. Mathew, understand the pain so you can learn in every way why and how it’s hurting. You don’t need to worry about who’s going to be there for you. You should know in confidence that your family will be there. At this moment you won’t be alone but it is necessary to feel alone. It allows us to understand ourselves and our surroundings, you see? You can help mom by giving her a lot of hugs and kisses, helping your sisters around the house and constantly engage yourself in helping out with any problems.” Seeing his little puffy eyes and face flushed out, tired and exhausted with nothing else to say, he wanted to spend some time with his sisters before heading back to sleep.
I often wonder what goes on in his vast mind. When he’s silent I try to decipher his facial expressions to see if there are any signs of curiosity, pain, wonder. However, at most times he looks sad, his eyes filled with curiosity that sometimes looked nostalgic, and then he sits very peacefully. For many years I have been the go-to person for advice and it always fills my heart with great value and happiness when I am able to help. Seeing how Mathew had matured, especially at the age of 10, thrills me for his life of curiosity and adventure. I am an advocate of adventure and trying new things; getting up and out of your comfort zone. I tell them my stories and when they come home with their own story to share I could see the satisfaction in their expressions. I do not try to stop my siblings from thinking in any way because I’d rather have them use it as a learning tool. After multiple mistakes they will naturally find other ways to do things and thus change their way of thinking without force.
Mathew is a warrior, but also a worrier for his age. His caring and nurturing soul often leaves him feeling frustrated and lost when he is trying to understand the truth in his environment. Always questioning what he sees wrong in his eyes, and the questions he is asking at this age struck me every time. I am open to the idea that the kids can ask me about anything and everything, because I plan on answering with the truth and nothing more. This is Mathew’s way of expressing his frustration and thoughts. He will keep it to himself for the time being, try to unravel any mystery he can, ask himself numerous questions until he lays blank on the ground while trying to uncover them, and when he has mixed feelings he will come to me for a clearer answer. I keep a close eye on everyone and noticed that they’ve been enhancing their true selves in many different ways. As for Mathew, I will always protect him in silence and through knowledge (he doesn’t like it when people do the things he can do for himself). Last night brought a little comfort to the household. We were all riding in our unique wave of energy. While the kids gradually learn how to enhance their inner core, I will keep updating how their growth has progressed. Thank you for reading.